Heart Day

Yesterday was a big day.  One year ago we handed our not quite five month old baby to a surgeon.  One who obviously cared about her and loved healing hearts, but never the less one who was going to forever scar her tiny body.

Claire blew through surgery and recovery with the strength we have come to expect in all she does, and we were home in just three short days.

Last summer was quiet.  There were restrictions that came along with open heart surgery and we laid low.  We had fun, but it was low key fun.

This summer will be different.  We have big plans. 

This summer we are going to swing higher, splash harder and soak up all the warm weather activities we can.

We started our summer of fun with a hastily put together BBQ last night.  There were bubbles, chalk, good friends and lots of food. 

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Last night before the BBQ, on what was supposed to be a completely joyous day, Claire had an accident, and it was my fault.  We live in a bi-level, which of course means stairs.  I came in last night in a rush, and either didn't close the gate at the top of the stairs at all, or else I missed getting it latched completely. Either way, she found the open gate and fell down the stairs.  I heard the thump and my heart dropped.  She didn't start crying until I got to her, and she honestly looked more surprised than anything at first.  Once I picked her up the tears started, and we sat on the floor and cried together.  After she quieted down we moved arms and legs and all seemed well.  I know she's ok, she was fine at the BBQ, but today the guilt hangs heavy and tears keep pricking my eyelids.

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I'm not very good at asking for help.  I get overwhelmed and tired, and still feel the need to do it all.  The problem is, doing it all seems to mean not doing any of it well.  (See above if you skimmed...)

In an attempt to make things more manageable, I'm asking for help.  Or rather, I'm paying for help.

I've never enjoyed cleaning my house.  When there are other things going on (and aren't there always?) it's an easy chore for me to ignore.  But my filthy house is just one more thing that is bringing me down right now.  Yesterday was our first cleaning.  The house felt better, but I know it will take another time or two to reverse all the damage my lack of cleaning has done. 

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We have our summer vacation book and I am SOOOO looking forward a break.  I know where a lot of my bloggy friends live, but not all of you.  So, if you are in Michigan, send me an email (email link is in the upper right corner) as I'd love to meet you in person while we are there.