I read a lot of blogs. Many of them have families where at least one child has Down syndrome. Most of the kids are similar in age to Claire.
I read these other blogs, get glimpses into other families, and I am consumed with jealously.
It's not the perfectly decorated houses, the perfect parties, or the perfectly organized homeschooling moms I'm jealous of. The sentence that I am most jealous of is...
The kids were playing in the living room while I was in the kitchen....
Yes, sometimes sentences like those are followed by crashes where something gets broken, or it is followed by tears as a toy is stolen or someone is pushed, but I'm still jealous.
Because I can't leave the girls alone for even one minute.
Claire is still scratching/biting/pushing, and her favorite target is someone smaller, slower, and younger than her. Bridget's face always has at least one scab or scratch in some stage of healing. A couple of days ago Bridget was bitten twice, once on the cheek, once on the hip, and she was sporting teeth marked shaped welts for days. There are days when Bridget will start crying when Claire simply looks at her.
I literally cannot leave them alone for a second, and it is exhausting. I'm not talking about long stretches of unsupervised time. I mean I cannot leave them playing in the living room while I load the dishwasher. I cannot walk down stairs to start a load of laundry. I cannot wash my hands without making sure that Bridget is tucked between my legs and the cabinet so that I can block Claire's attack with my body if I need to.
I know we will eventually get this behavior stuff under control, but right now I am sooooo tired of it. I'm tired of fighting with her, I'm tired of time out not fazing her, I'm tired of having to be "on" when ever I am alone with both girls. I'm just tired.
Oh man I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine how exhausted you must feel! I've never had a bitter but I knew a few and the good news is they grew out of it and hopefully Claire will too...SOON! Sutter is a runner/escape artist so I know the feeling of having to always have them insight or even holding him at times so that he can escape. Dealing with the behaviors is a full time job for sure!
ReplyDeleteGah! I can totally empathize with the tired thing, but for much different reasons (hormonal, AD/HD, raging, sulking 13 year old boy????). I guess I just hope it is a phase that will pass quickly for you, and then you can move on to another pain, whatever it is. There is always something. I have to believe that in the end, Bridget will be stronger and more wiley for her bite-dodging!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. It has to be so stressful and poor Bridgette to be scared of her sister. I wish I could offer you some advice or reassurance but I can't. Malcolm is a risk taker and I have to keep a very close eye on him or he gets hurt. It's different though because I just have to do a little baby proofing and I feel pretty secure. My only suggestion would be to have an area that Bridgette can play by herself that Claire can't get in so that she and you can have a little break for a few minutes. Whether it be a porta-crib or and gated section of your home. I'm sorry wish I could offer more, hugs friend.
ReplyDeleteI am so bummed for you all...this is tough and I cannot imagine how tired and frustrated you all are...I wish I had something great and life changing to offer...it i have nothing but and huge hug...smiles
ReplyDeleteHang in there. The biggest lesson I have learned with my three kids is that all have to disciplined differently. I remember crazy battles with Kyle that were for nothing -- until we found he's sweet spot and punished him accordingly. Don't be afraid to try new things until you find what works for Claire. Good luck, we'll be praying for you!
ReplyDeleteOh, Melissa, I am sorry you guys are dealing with this! It is really hard to be so exhausted and tired and then still have to deal with the issue at hand. It, unfortunately, makes it harder to react in a good way. I don't have any advice for you, except lots of really big hugs!!! I agree with Erin, in trying to make a safe spot for Bridgette to play and feel secure.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, mama!!!
I wish I had advice for you too. I can't imagine how hard that is. Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteOh, I totally get it!! And I have just 1 child! It was a long road to get to that point. Funny you should bring this up, though, because just yesterday I was thinking about how WONDERFUL it is to be at that point. Actually, we're at the point where I can say, "Samantha was reading in her room upstairs while I was on the computer in the dining room." Omg, it's such a sweeeet feeling when it comes, but have patience, it *will* come...eventually. Just wait till you get to take a shower when you're the only adult home and the kids are AWAKE! It's a super-sweet feeling. I don't say this to rub it in, I'm just saying it because it took a long time to get there and I remember how tired I was before that. :-)
ReplyDeleteI feel bad for you! Can you use a gate to separate them sometimes? For Bridget's sake, I don't think it's wrong to put Claire in a room by herself immediately after she does this. How does Claire respond when you show your displeasure after she has bitten? I know someone who had the same problem and after biting would quickly take a water spray bottle and quickly spray her in the face, kneel down and look face to face and give a firm "NO!" Hope that might help.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better Adrian has been known to still bite Julian at times and I'm always listening to somebody yelling at somebody else or crying and then me yelling. The other day everybody was in my room and Adrian pushed Jesenia off the bed...while I was there. ***hugs***
ReplyDeleteThis post really helped me this morning. Maybe it will lift you up, too.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.livingjoel225.com/2013/03/are-you-weary.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+livingjoel225%2FgiYE+%28Living+Joel+2%3A25%29
Oh Melissa, I am so sorry. I wish I had some comforting words for you. All I can say is hang in there and know that you are doing your best and things will get better.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you say a prayer for you and your daughters in Jesus precious name
ReplyDeleteoh I'm so sorry. I've thought a lot about this post a lot over the last couple of days. Addison is going through a phase where she'll steal whatever Carter is eating/playing with fingers crossed no biting yet. I can't even imagine. Hugs to you my friend! I hope this phase passes quickly. You are an amazing mommy to these girls!
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