Struggling

When I was on maternity leave people would always ask if I was tired and how I was doing adjusting to having 2 kids.  I would quickly respond (honestly I thought) that we were doing great, and that I wasn't all that tired.  The reality of the situation, made obvious since going back to work, is that I am struggling.

The past few days were rough.  Really rough.  I'm doing a crappy job of mothering two little girls at once.  Three days with both of them and no help had me at the end of my rope.

In typical two-year-old fashion Claire knows exactly which of my buttons to push to get a reaction.  Usually I can correct her, distract her or just ignore it.  But after three days of constantly saying "don't hit/scratch/bite your sister" I was done.  Bridget was crying because she was hurt, Claire was (sometimes) crying because she was in trouble, and I sat on the floor and cried with them.  I am exhausted, overwhelmed and short tempered.

I don't like who I am when I'm this impatient.  I'm sure Claire, with good reason, doesn't like me much either.

Tomorrow is my day off.  Usually with both girls.  And I just can't do another day with both of them right now. I need a break.  I need to clean my house.  I need to get my head on straight.  Thankfully daycare has a spot available for Claire tomorrow, because we both need a break.

Even though I know I need this down time, I feel like such a failure.  I know you don't get the whole story of anyone's life from little bits and pieces posted on blogs and facebook, but this motherhood things seems to come so easy to others.  I do a great job of not comparing Claire to her peers.  Unfortunately, I'm not as easy on myself.

----

I wrote most of this last night.  This morning I learned my Grandpa passed away yesterday.  Bridget and I will travel to Chicago for the funeral, and Claire will stay home with Darren. I know I still need the break tomorrow, but now I feel even guiltier sending her to daycare when I likely won't see her this weekend.  I really thought this whole motherhood thing would be easier than it is....

Owie (The Things You Learn at Day Care)

Even though the calendar says summer is still weeks away, the thermometer says summer is here.  Days of temperatures in the 80s and 90s means the summer clothes are out.  Skirts, shorts and tank tops make up Claire's wardrobe these days.

Exposed knees come with the cute summer clothes.  Claire got her first scuffed knee of the summer last week.  Nothing major, just your usual road rash.  It never really bothered her but every once in a while she'd point to her knee and sign 'hurt'. We'd give it a quick kiss and all was well again.

A few days later she came home from day care saying "owie".  This wasn't a word we'd worked on, but it was said just as clear as could be, albeit with a very dramatic pronunciation.  Owieeeeeeee.

Cutest thing ever!

I don't usually encourage her to be so dramatic, as a week old scraped knee obviously doesn't hurt anymore, but I can't help asking her to say owie over and over.

Surely putting all those sounds together counts as speech therapy, right?

Working Mom

Yesterday was my first day back at work.  And getting out of the house (sort of) on time went remarkably smoothly.  Mornings have always been my responsibility.  Darren usually leaves for work right about the time I get up.  The problem is, I'm not a morning person.  And Claire and I are always on the brink of being late.  Add in another little person to get ready, and I'm afraid on time might never happen again.

I had clothes laid out for the girls the night before and a vague idea of what I was going to wear.  A shower for me, bath for Bridget, breakfast for Claire and I thought I might actually be on time.

Until I looked at the clock.... 8 am.  And I hadn't left the house yet.  For my first day back, I consider only being 30 minutes late a success.

Today was more of the same...walking into work at 8:30.  Thank goodness I have an understanding boss!

Now I just have to figure out how to get out of the house 30 minutes sooner without getting up any earlier....

(Clairey was in a fabulous mood this morning, which made all the rushing around so much easier)

My Little Weed

This morning Bridget had her two month well baby check and she is not hurting in the grocery department.  We are officially going to be one of those families that refers to Claire as the older sister, not the bigger sister!

In two months Bridget has gained 5 lbs (from her home from the hospital weight) and 3 inches.  11 lbs 15 oz and 23 1/2 inches puts her at the 75th percentile for weight and the 80th for height.

I finally understand when people talk about babies outgrowing clothes so fast.  We will have to pack up her 0-3 month clothes soon and she hasn't had the chance to even wear half of them.