Happy Birthday Claire!!

Sweet girl, where has the time gone?  It seems like just yesterday I was still pregnant and we were anxiously awaiting your arrival. 

Your first few days were a blur of doctors, sleepless nights, and your first heart surgery.  Things calmed down once we got home and we quickly settled into our new roles.  Kisses in the morning and books at bedtime.

 

We celebrated rolling, sitting, and most recently, crawling.  Teeth have appeared, your hair has grown into the cutest pigtails, and your smile lights up the room.

Your first year has been an amazing adventure, and I can only imagine all of the fun we have ahead of us.  

Happy First Birthday Beautiful Claire!!



I felt bad...

Recently a friend used the r word.  It caught me off guard coming from her, and I wasn't ready with a request not to use the word.  The social situation we were in didn't offer me an opportunity to pull her aside, so I let the moment pass.  This was a good friend, though, who I see frequently, and since I needed to address the issue I sent her an email. 

I cried as I wrote the email.  I felt bad because I know 'she didn't mean it that way'.  She would never do anything to intentionally hurt me or Claire, and yet she did.  I explained to her that when someone says 'don't act like a retard', what I hear is 'don't act like Claire.'  The word is never used as a compliment, it's always an insult.  And I felt bad that I had to send the email.

And then I felt bad for feeling bad because I stood up for my daughter.

Last night we talked.  She apologized for using the word, that she didn't mean it that way, and that she didn't even know she'd said it until I pointed it out.  She said that she cried herself to sleep the night she got the email.  And I felt even worse.

Then she thanked me.

She thanked me for the humbling and eye opening experience.  She said that as she cried herself to sleep that one night she thought about all the times, in the years ahead, that I would cry.  All the times that people would, intentionally or not, hurt me or hurt Claire.

And I felt so much better.

Not because she cried, but because she thought about what I'd said, and she got it.  This is someone who will not only consider the words she uses, but it wouldn't surprise me if she doesn't correct others for using the word also.  Her eyes are open, and even though we both felt bad, it was worth it.

Thank you, thank you!

Now that year end craziness has subsided, the totals have been calculated.  This year, from Nov 1 to Dec 31, Reece's Rainbow Angel Tree raised over $305,000!!!  This is QUADRUPLE what was raised in 2009. So, thank you! Thank you for donating to Celine, Olga, or any of the kids on Reece's Rainbow.  Every donation helps bring children home. 

During this year's Angel Tree, 30 children had families commit to them.  In 2010, 153 children came home to their forever families, and already 2011 looks like it will surpass that figure. 

While the big fundraising push of the Angel Tree is over, there are still many children that need help getting home.  If you can, please consider donating to a child who is still waiting for a family, or to a family who is doing the final fundraising before they travel to bring home their child.

Wordy Wednesday: Little Cowgirl

In our neck of the woods, Stock Show is a big deal.  Before kids, going to stock show really meant a couple of hours actually at stock show, with the rest of the night getting caught up with friends at the bar.  These days, most of our friends go to the rodeo, do a little shopping, and rarely make it to the bar.  Even though we won't be going this year, Claire couldn't resist showing off her cowgirl attire.

And yes, that is dust all over Darren's hat and food all over Claire's shirt.  :)

The First Big Change of the New Year...

...is Claire's! 

Today she started her new daycare.  For the past 8 months or so we've had a sweet Grandma type gal watching her and one other little guy.  It has been a perfect situation.  The other mom and I have been friends for years, and the kids are 1 week apart in age.  Since it's always been just the 2 kids they've gotten lots of love and snuggle time.

This winter our daycare Grandma decided to take a 2 month vacation.  Which meant that we needed to find someplace new for the kids.  Living in a small town means that there aren't too many choices for daycare, and all the in-home day cares where I would want her to be, were full.  There is one daycare center in town that has both an infant and toddler room.  And it just happened to work out that they had 2 infant openings right at the time we needed them.  So, the kids were able to stay together!

There are some benefits to the new center that I'm really excited about.  Claire hasn't eaten any baby food for about 3 months, and it's been hard to send table food to the old daycare for her.  Since the new place serves lunch she is able to eat with the toddler room.  While she's been growing well, I think this will help put a little more weight on her as we transition her off the bottle.

I'm also excited about the interaction with the new kids and the staff.  While I loved our daycare Grandma, she didn't spend a lot of time on the floor playing with the kids.  There are a couple of kids who are just learning to crawl too, and I think having kids at, as well as above, her gross motor level will be beneficial.

This morning when I dropped Claire off, she did perfect.  She doesn't have any separation or stranger anxiety, so I know for sure I was more nervous than she was!  I talked to the director just a few minutes ago, and all is well, just as I knew it would be!

Reflections

First of all Happy New Year!    We had a quiet New Year's Eve at home last night.  Winter finally made it to Colorado.  We had snow, wind and bitterly cold temperatures.  We had planned an evening with friends, but Claire came down with an awful sounding cough Thursday night, and we didn't want to take her out.  We spent the evening curled up on the couch, staying warm, and just enjoying our time together. 

And 2010?  Wow, what a year!

This time last year I was 8 months pregnant.  We were getting so close to meeting our baby, and while there was excitement, there was also fear.  Fear of the known and the unknown.  We knew she had a heart defect.  We knew she would need open heart surgery before she was 6 months old.  The unknown was Down syndrome.

And to top it all off, I was nervous about having a baby, ANY baby.  Growing up, I'd always said I didn't want kids. And now, here I was, just weeks away from having a baby.  The first time mom nerves went into high gear...what was I going to do with a baby?  what if I was a terrible mom?  what if I wasn't ready?  what was I going to do if my baby really did have Ds?

When I got pregnant, my constant, never ending prayer was for my baby to be healthy, happy and whole.  I didn't think that was too much to ask for.  People have healthy kids all the time.  Instead, my child had health issues and a disability.  I felt cheated.  Surely there was someone else more qualified to have a child with special needs.

And then she was born.  And I was in love.  Totally, completely in love.  She was here, beautiful and perfect.  My fears were calmed.  I could do this.

Just doing this, turned into loving this. 

Loving each and every accomplishment, celebrating every milestone.  Cherishing the tight hugs and the open-mouthed, slobbery kisses.  Laughing with my daredevil as we fly through the house, and hang upside down.  Loving every bedtime book.  Setting up the tower of blocks, just to happily knock them over again and again.  Each smile brightening my day.

The last year has had some challenges.  Days have been busy, the house has gone uncleaned.  Therapy and doctors appointments pile up.  Finding balance between work and home has been hard at times.

But through it all, I wouldn't change a thing.  I wouldn't change the friends I've met, the things I've learned.  Most importantly, I wouldn't change Claire.